The middle...

So I decided that my new year’s resolution for this year, at least my major one, is to start calling people out on their damn crap.    Seriously, I feel like so many people are so full of crap and there’s just so much petty bullshit that goes on everyday that quite frankly I don’t have any need for.    So, I decided that if I think someone is full of shit, I’m not going to hold back from telling them so (at least, if it’s appropriate).

Somehow this got me to thinking about something one of my best friends once told me, that I don’t always tell people how I feel about them, and therefore they don’t know.    I thought about this again today when I was leaving work, I had to say goodbye to a couple of my “Mc”friends today, and one of them, as I was leaving, I gave a sad face to, and she looked at me and was like “Don’t be sad.”  And we had a nice little conversation, she gave me a hug, and I left and as I walked to my car all I could think was “No one understands why I hate saying goodbye to them, even if it’s only a see you later.”

To be honest, it’s a mystery to me as to why, after 3.5 years and 7 semesters, I STILL hate leaving home.   I mean, with work it’s that I’ve grown closer to everyone every time I come back so I guess that sort of makes sense, but I always come back.   I’ll see everyone again.    (sidetrack)

ANYWAY, that thought got me to thinking, maybe people don’t understand why I hate saying goodbye to them because they don’t know how important they are to me because, as said friend implied, I *apparently* fail at letting them know.

So, in “calling people out on their crap” - isn’t that the equivalent of being honest about how I feel?    (Because I’m starting to notice, I’m not always, really.)  Should my new year’s resolution be more to “Be honest about how I feel” rather than “Call people out on their crap” and include “Letting people know how much they mean to me” in that?

…Because, thinking about it, it is kind of scary for me to blatantly come out and be like “Hey you’re important to me”, I’ve started to notice.    I mean, I, from my perspective, feel like it’s obvious to a person when they are of importance to me.   I just don’t blatantly state it.    I don’t know, I guess I just feel like it would be awkward?   I don’t like being “mushy”? (Well, that’s not ENTIRELY true.) (And also, I’m talking about EVERYONE in my life here.    Not necessarily romantic stuff.) (Although it applies there too.)

But people do mean more to me than they know.   I guarantee it.  

A couple of years ago there was a Facebook note going around where you had to tag 30 people and say something about them, which I did partake in.   

I found myself wanting one of those to go around again because there were (good) things I wanted to say to people.    

But I shouldn’t need a Facebook note to tell people how important they are to me, should I? :/

I also find that when I think of things in my head that I want to say to people (some good, some bad), I find myself thinking “Katie, you shouldn’t tell them that, that’s awkward, that’s why you have a blog”.

I LOVE Tumblr and my blog and blogging, but I’m guessing I also…er….don’t need to think that way?

That I can be somewhat more open about my thoughts?

So: my new year’s resolution = to call people out on their crap.   To be fully honest about how I feel? Still to be determined.    

Because there is a reason I trained myself to be a bit of a “closed book”, too. :/